PRESS MENTIONS
14 Tweets That Sum Up What It’s Like To Be Single At A Wedding — Huffington Post, Nov 2016
27 Hilariously Real Tweets About Going To Weddings — BuzzFeed, Aug 2016
The Top 20 Tweets In The World (This Week) — Chicago Tribune, Mar 2016
24 People And Their Funny Observations About Food — eBaum’s World, Feb 2016
24 Accurate Observations About Food — CollegeHumor, Feb 2016
Best Lady Tweets — The Gaggle, May 2015
Tweets of the Week — Paste Magazine, May 2015
Featured Jokes — FunnyTweeter.com, 2015
21 Things That Are So Damn True — BuzzFeed, Nov 2014
Top Tweets — QuipFox, Jan 2014
SELECTED JOKES
Does anybody have cardboard boxes to spare? I'm helping my dad move and he luvs 2 breakdance.
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) January 28, 2014
Super convenient that my arms came with cup holders.
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) October 10, 2012
I NEVER WORE EARPLUGS TO CONCERTS WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL AND I TURNED OUT FINE!
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) October 22, 2012
I’m gonna love you till the cows come home. Then it’s cow-lovin’ time.
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) December 25, 2012
*old man kool-aid busts through wall*
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) February 18, 2015
why did i come in here again
Sometimes I just get in my car and drive to wherever I was supposed to be 20 minutes ago.
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) November 16, 2013
does this desperation make me look desperate
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) September 19, 2015
This rip in my pants is unseamly.
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) February 15, 2014
i'll spell an acronym wrong, idgfa
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) November 7, 2013
Make Contradictions, Not Contradictions
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) January 9, 2014
CINEMA POP QUIZ: u r into the french new wave, tru/ffaut
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) >August 6, 2013
What makes a word unpronounceable? Hard to say.
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) December 7, 2013
welcome to overthinkers anonymous! jk we couldn't decide on a time or location or name tags or snacks or if we should even meet.
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) November 9, 2013
What do we want?
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) January 22, 2014
CERTAINTY!
When do we want it?
HMMM...
Good thing I’m not planning to have kids ‘cause I just ate their heirloom Froot Loops necklace.
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) November 15, 2013
*takes a bite out of crime*
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) September 3, 2015
*eats the whole crime*
Who’s the sick bastard that keeps trapping mimes in boxes
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) November 5, 2013
By this time tomorrow, it’ll be this time tomorrow.
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) October 11, 2013
cats wanna be with me, cat ladies wanna be me
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) September 16, 2013
I want a stray cat off the streets and a rescue kitty on my sheets.
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) >August 10, 2017
HONEY, TELL YOUR FANTASY FOOTBALL FRIENDS I'M NOT CONTROLLING
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) August 26, 2013
“Needs more cats” —me as an interior decorator
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) >August 19, 2013
When I was 7, my dad said he was going out to get cigarettes and came back 20 minutes later with a pack FOR MEEEE! He's the greatest :))))))
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) >August 8, 2013
*waiter holds a freshly opened bag of doritos under my nose so i can sniff it*
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) December 27, 2015
yes, one for the table, please
My impression of a bulldozer brings the house down.
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) >August 3, 2013
I robbed a medieval instruments store for the lute.
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) >July 17, 2013
why is it called magic: the gathering if no one will hang out with me
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) >July 12, 2013
Does this hindsight make me look 20/20?
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) >July 3, 2013
You know you have self-awareness when you know you have self-awareness.
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) >April 19, 2013
Carefully place it on a trivet like it's hot.
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) >April 8, 2013
Always the estranged friend who finds out about a wedding months later from Facebook, never the bridesmaid.
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) >February 14, 2013
Does the word meaningless mean NOTHING to you????
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) >September 8, 2012
Imagine my surprise when you imagine my surprise.
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) >August 2, 2012
it must b tough 2 b a mom plastic baggie, never knowing if ur kids will turn 2 sandwiches or drugs
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) >June 30, 2014
I always know what to get friends or family members for a special occasion. It's a gift.
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) >October 28, 2014
Date: I really just wanna settle down and have tons of—
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) >July 21, 2014
Me: CATS?! OMG, ME TOO.
sorry i remembered your cat's name but not your fiancé's
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) >May 12, 2014
be passive-aggressive, it's fine
— allison tanenhaus (@atanenhaus) September 3, 2013